


Want you there

by TeaHouseMoon



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Boyfriends, Depression, Depressive Episode, Even POV, Fluff, Love, M/M, Short, isak supporting even, sana being a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 19:36:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11996568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaHouseMoon/pseuds/TeaHouseMoon
Summary: "What if Isak leaves him. That can happen; probably will. What happens then?"Even has an episode, and Isak takes care of him.





	Want you there

He hears it like a voice, in his head. He knows it's a voice; a construct, not reality. He knows it's his depression, talking. Whispering things. And he wants to scream 'no', and not listen.  
But - what if?

What if this is all true, and his friends really just kind of tolerate him. What if it's true, they're not really exactly his friends to begin with. They're Isak's friends.

What if Isak leaves him. That can happen; probably will. What happens then?  
How long can Even string this along, push and shove and pull and push again, with his moods and sadness and tears and weird behaviours, how long until Isak decides he's had enough? What if he's already thinking about it. He probably is.

He probably is and it will spring up on Even out of nowhere, and it'll be terrible and he won't survive. So he needs to be prepared. He needs to listen to that voice because it could happen, people don't owe him anything. They don't owe him love.

His face feels warm, as he looks outside through the fogged up windows of the cafe he's taken refuge in. Nobody's paying attention and that's the best thing; he just wants to hide in that corner, and be left alone. Not be a burden.

He doesn't know how long he's been there. He's switched off his phone, and now he's scared of turning it back on again. Because what if there's calls, or messages? Of people being pissed off with him?  
But even worse; what if there's nothing? What if nobody's even noticed? What if it's true?  
What if it's true.

He sighs, and looks around himself. He hates that there's tears behind his eyes. He hates that he's feeling sorry for himself; that's just pathetic.  
He pulls his hoodie up over his head, and takes a deep breath, and hopes people keep ignoring him.

"Even?"

Sana's voice.

Even's cheeks burn again, with shame and shock, because Sana's found him there. He forces himself to look at her, forces himself to look normal, and okay. He's okay.

Sana's dark eyes are on his. She clears her throat.

"Do you mind?", she asks, pointing at the chair across the table from Even.  
Even nods, because what can he say?

It's not that he doesn't want her there.

"You...having a tea?"

Her eyes are black and huge, and kind. She looks like she's really believing what she's saying, even though there's nothing in front of him, no cup of tea, no drink, no nothing.

Even wants to reply but he can't. He hugs his arms tighter against himself, leans his head against the wall, and stares across him to the waitress clearing another table.

"Even...Isak is looking for you. He said he's tried to call you." Sana's voice is soft; but she does sound worried. Her eyes are crinkling at the sides like she does when something makes her sad.  
"He texted us to let him know if we see you," she continues; her voice gentler.

Even blinks, and he's horrified to feel the tears pushing again. He knows his eyes are rimmed red now, he can feel it, he can feel the burning.  
Isak will break up with him; Isak will break up with him. He's too much. Isak will hate him.

"Can I tell him you're here?"

Sana's voice is so tentative. Her face is worried, but she hasn't even made an attempt to grab her phone. She's letting Even decide. She's giving him the choice.

She shouldn't give Even the choice.

She shouldn't, because he will screw it up; he will feel sorry for himself and be a coward and screw it up.

He feels himself nod. Just once; he doesn't know where it came from.  
Sana nods back, and smiles, her side smile that tells him she's pleased. She taps on her phone, quickly. Then she says, "I'm going to get a mint tea. Would you like one, too?", and though Even says no, something warms up inside him anyway.

 

Isak's cheeks are pink from the cold when he comes in to the cafe, his hands stuffed into gloves that he takes off almost absentmindedly.  
He walks over to their table, lips in a thin line. Even looks into his eyes, follows him when he grabs a chair and sits on it in front of him.  
Even is terrified.

He hears Sana clear her throat quietly as she stands up, almost doesn't see her as she leaves.

"What happened?" Isak asks, quietly. His eyes are looking into Even's, and Even can't look away.

He knows his own eyes are still red, like he's going to cry; he hates it.

"Nothing," he rasps, and looks away. He hugs himself tighter.

"I- I did the food shopping. I got chicken escalope and chips for tonight." Isak's voice is still quiet. "But I'll need help, to make them."

Even looks back at him then. Isak still wants him to come home.  
A tear betrays him, and escapes to run down his cheek. He doesn't even know why he's crying.

Isak reaches towards him, so slow, like Even is a scared animal. He follows the tear with his thumb, and wipes it away from Even's cheek.

"We can hide in our room. I don't have homework, we can- just hide under the covers." Isak nods as he speaks.

Even swallows, and blinks.

"We'll hide under the covers and just chill. And if we get hungry, I have popcorn under the bed."  
Isak smiles a little. That impish soft grin he has, the one that makes Even feel like his lips want to pinch into a smile, too.

"It's ok if you don't want me there, too," Isak continues.

Even looks at him.

"It's ok, you can be in our room and I'll be in the kitchen, and make a mess while I cook. It's chill."

Even expected to get sad, but instead he's smiling, and he hasn't even noticed. Isak isn't a good cook and he can't even make tea.  
Isak isn't angry. Isak isn't done with him.  
And going back home doesn't sound as sad and lonely and scary anymore, because he won't be on his own with himself.

"You'll burn everything," Even rasps softly.

Isak chuckles.

"Yeah. Yeah I will."

Even can't stop looking into his eyes. He can't remember what the voice in his head was saying. The voice was pulling him down, still is; but he can breathe a little easier right now. He can close his eyes without tears running down his cheeks.

Isak's hand reaches out to push a strand curl back from Even's forehead, so slowly.

"Yeah, I will burn everything, but you'll be safe in the bedroom. Totally safe. You'll just see me coming in, like, all singed," he chuckles, and Even chuckles, too.  
"But, you'll be safe."

Even breathes. He looks at Isak, and Isak is just looking back. Even doesn't know what Isak did, doesn't know what he does every time, but he always feels it. Feels the things that Isak says without saying them.  
The voice in his head still wants to speak, wants to say that Isak has to put up with so much, so much for an 18 year old kid who should be just enjoying himself and not looking after someone like him.

But Even grits his teeth; he doesn't want to listen to the voice. Isak's fingers stroke gently, gently down his temple, and behind his ear, brushing his hair back, tidying it where it's mussed and hiding it into his hoodie - and Even wants to listen to that. To Isak's presence next to him. His quiet support. Isak not getting upset with him because he can't help but follow his thoughts and fears and paranoia sometimes. Isak telling him he's not alone.

"I want you there, though." Even's voice is scratchy, but it's there.  
Isak nods, smiles gently.

"Okay."

Even hides his face into Isak's shoulder, and feels Isak's arm wrap around him. Isak's gentle kiss against his hair. Isak's voice, speaking again, soft like a lullaby.

"Okay. Okay."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, please leave a comment if you liked my little story. x


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